The Kocicek Home for Abused Zebra’s began in 2012 after a young Kocicek witnessed a terribly depressed looking Zebra at the Erie PA Zoo graze for grass in the middle of a cold winter.
Using 1.5 Million Dollars of his family’s cash settlement for being passengers on the Titanic (cashed out courtesy of a annuity payout from JG Wentworth, 877 Cash Now) he purchased the farm adjacent to the Brisc Rubal Home for Hot Unwed Mothers in Kane PA and opened Kocicek’s Home for Abused Zebra’s. A mighty retreat of over 70 acres guarded 24/7 in the heart of rural PA, a shelter and respite for natures striped purveyors of fruit stripe gum.
Kocicek’s mission with his Home for Abused Zebra’s is simple; saved as many of these majestic animals as we can from poachers and unlicensed zoo’s across America. In a most unique of team ups known to New Eden, Kocicek’s agent of Zebra Rescue are Alterari “Combustion Pigeon” Phoenix, and 0Musky.
These two roam the plains in search of poachers and upon their discovery, are held down and punched in the dick until they repent, never to hunt Zebra’s again.
The bounty payouts from these captured poachers pays for the day to day maintenance of Kocicek’s Home for Abused Zebra’s. In addition, it’s “endowment” foundation is a yearly donator to the GoonSwarm Micropenis Prevention Society, a foundation within Goonswarm designed to assist people who use gamer language in local chat.
Scientific Research has consistently shown that adult men who play video games and use gamer language are often victims of having a Micro Penis.
One such recipient of care, provided via a loan of $35,000 from Kocicek’s Home for Abused Zebra was Son of Bane member Ginger Ale907, who’s micropenis was so small, not even Hellen Keller could feel it. This rage at his lack of manhood’s prevelence led to the following outburst in local chat:
The good news is that Ginger Ale 907 is scheduled for surgery on Friday, where he will go from being measured in centimeters, to actual inches.
All of this is courtesy of Kocicek’s Home for Abused Zebra’s, and the GoonSwarm Micropenis Prevention Society.
If you have a MicroPenis, and or a Zebra to be rescued, please don’t hesitate to call the Kocicek’s Home for Abused Zebra’s at (406) 259-0921.
Our Zebra’s thank you!
